For the love of a dog

Tonight is my last night with my sweet dog Stella.  I am giving her to a family I dearly love, as they will provide a much better home for her.  Needless to say, my life is crazy and busy and chaotic and sporadic and she is not receiving the attention she needs and deserves.  I would love to have a slower pace again, such that we could go on walks, watch movies together, and play in the yard, but it seems in the last year that life has accelerated and I can't keep up.  Unfortunately she gets left behind and I feel terribly guilty, knowing she needs play and noise and excitement that I am not providing.

So, with a heavy heart and after a great deal of consideration, I decided I would give my little Stella-girl a new home, which is actually a wonderful opportunity for her and a blessing for them.  They are going through a family situation right now that I know will be made easier with Stella's presence, as they have a sick family member who could use the Stella-snuggles as her time in this mortal life slips away.

As of tomorrow evening, my house will be very quiet - no pitter-patter of little puppy-like feet, no wagging tail to welcome me home, and absent will be toys scattered about the house as she hides them from herself, waiting for mom to come home and play.  Despite the fact that it is clearly the best thing for the family she will be joining and certainly the best thing for Stella, I am selfishly struggling.

Stella-bella, I will always be grateful you came to live at my house for the past four years.  Truthfully, I have never liked any dogs - nor did I ever want a dog, so that fact that I love you so much is unusual and almost startling to me (and especially my family).  I will never forget picking you up at the American Airlines terminal, as you came to us from your breeder on an airplane; you were in your kennel and howling the saddest sob....and I didn't even know dogs could sob.  I quickly took you out to hold you and I was hooked.

You are a good little dog and have taught me a great deal about patience as we went through the puppy phase of bathroom-training, biting, garbage-diving, and learning tricks.  You have played and jumped as I dance around the house, as well as snuggled up next to me countless times as I wept to deal with my emotions.  I will miss you so much, but I want what is best for you and for my dear friends - and I believe this is the best decision at this time.

I love you Stella-girl.

love, mama