Two glorious items for a Wednesday + a little follow up.

Two glorious things happened yesterday - both so precious that it brought tears to my eyes.  First, I was leaving out my front door for a change to go to work and ran into these beautiful tulips, perked up, ready to bloom, and smiling for spring time.  I was so pleased - like a declaration that despite the fact it snowed just a few days ago, spring will fight back and warm weather WILL be here.  Eventually.  I am so ready to dig in my dirt and play in the garden.  I am itching to plant (as if I have time?!) and seeing these tulips (one of my most favorite flowers) made me grin.

The second fantastic thing I was able to do yesterday was visit the Carl Bloch exhibit "The Master's Hand" at the BYU Museum of Art in Provo, Utah.  It was absolutely amazing and I spent over two hours wandering from painting to painting soaking in the moment.  It was absolutely like nourishment for my soul.

I originally booked 15 tickets for my family and friends - and then due to a whole host of last-minute mishaps and excuses, I ended up going alone.  At first I was feeling a little lonely, a little sorry for myself as I watched everyone else chat with their loved ones in line....and then the moment I stepped in the exhibit, I realized how calm and comforting and quiet it was to be absolutely alone having such a marvelous experience.  It was simply beautiful.

They had a beautiful iPad application loaded on iPads you could rent - which was amazing.  I loved it.  There was commentary, additional videos, scriptures, hymns, conference addresses, panoramas, etc.  It enhanced the tour so much more as you learned about the structure, concepts, composition, etc about every painting.

And finally a picture of me outside the museum - completely enamored with the experience.  I am so grateful I was able to attend.  The museum has spent 10 years collecting and arranging the five original alter paintings and various other pieces of Bloch's collection.  I recently purchased a book specifically about the exhibit and Bloch's life because I am so interested in both his life and drive to paint, as well as the process the museum went through to make this possible.  What a wonderful pause to life in the midst of such a busy time.

A little follow up on my post from earlier......thank you to those who sent emails or texts in response.  You are so sweet to care and be thoughtful.  What an interesting journey life can be.

Last night as I was trying to sleep (and analyzing a discussion I had with a friend), I was thinking about the differences between between being married vs being single.  There are many obvious ones which I won't mention (good grief!), but then there are more subtle, unthought about items - and I arrived upon the following as the most startling, painful part.

In married life,  you are loved in spite of your flaws.  In single life, you are not loved because of your flaws.  It's a time of intense introspection, as other people find things they perceive are "wrong" with you.  They may be things that you were already aware of (and consequently frustrated about too), or they may be brand new things that you can add to your list of insecurities.  Inexplicably strange feeling.

And it's exhausting.  To those who sent "don't give up" messages today, I appreciate your perspective, but you have to imagine how vulnerable and unnatural this process truly is; life appears easier better without the potential for harm.  Cowardly?  Perhaps, but I think of it as self-preservation.  Please understand without judgment.

Lots of love, Sarah