Mess of thoughts

I usually don't appreciate (and try not to write) super negative blog posts, but today I'm emotionally and physically spent and simply need to get it all out of my head.

I'm so overwhelmed by my life right now - and in a different way than ever before. I'm terribly frustrated by the mess at my house. While I am grateful to be back in my home, it's been a tricky week. There is simply so much to do. I hate asking for help so I have done most of the moving alone. I had a some help from my mom on Saturday evening (my dad was out of town) and then from a few family members on Sunday evening, but other than that, it's been almost entirely a solo effort. I am sure I could call others to help, but I simply hate asking for help. I was raised to be a self- sufficient person, which now as an adult means I resent asking others to come to my aid.

Instead, I am struggling to survive through the mass of moving heavy boxes and furniture alone. It's ridiculous. Then I usually end up feeling super frustrated at myself for being so prideful, but it's just not in my nature to ask. My back is sore.

I can't stand having such a messy house. It's so obnoxious to walk in the door and see half-emptied boxes sprawling throughout the house. I am trying to unpack them as quickly as possible but it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day.

Then there's work. One of my most favorite humans in the whole world is leaving my department tomorrow.....oh, and did I mention she's also my secretary? So not only am I losing one of my best friends, I'm also losing the most efficient gal - who I happen to rely on like my left arm. She is so on top of things and often prevents me from showing up unprepared at meetings or conference calls. I honestly don't know how I will function without her because she is the perfect blend of friend and coworker. The promotion is a good one for her so while I am thrilled for her sake, I am selfishly feeling a little sorry for myself....because I'm clearly a brat.

I have started doing phone interviews and will have in-person interviews next week, but so far none of the options have jumped out as "must have" candidates. I am hoping to be pleasantly surprised by how delightful one of them will be in person.

We are officially now in the midst of our "busy season" which will last until almost Memorial Day. I love my job and those I work with to make it happen, but I am feeling resentful lately because I need some time to myself to get the house put together. I keep thinking I will take an afternoon off to get on top of things....and then I remember that I have literally over 100 emails in my inbox that need action taken and a multitude of outstanding projects/issues (all of which seem "time sensitive" right now) and it reminds me that an afternoon away is simply not a reality at this point.


Okay.....that's it. Enough complaining. This is neither going to fix the problem nor make me feel better. To loosely paraphrase Einstein, "the solution to a problem was never found during the same mindset in which it created"....i.e. this wallowing is not to help. Time to turn the beat around - time for some Positive Patti action.